blackfemsadist

Its all falling.....

2008-02-12T16:41:27Z

...into place.

Event after event after event, breaking my presentation cherry, becoming a council member of one of the big BDSM groups around here, radio interviews, and teaching classes.

This is what I've always wanted and now I have it.

Falling right into place, I say.

You don't disrespect....

2008-01-22T09:38:23Z

Tonight was a very interesting night.

I had a young boy come over who had begged to play with me. To make a very long story short, he broke a MAJOR rule of mine, then refused to accept his punishment and demanded to be let go. And, because I am a responsible player, I was compliant and released him from his bonds.

This, however, did not stop me from grabbing his clothes and tossing them off of my front balcony, making him chase after them, outside, in the nude.

Nope. That didn't stop me from doing that at all.

You. Don't. Disrespect. Me.

silence

2008-01-04T03:16:05Z

My boy, of two long arduous, but superb years..got cut loose tonight.

He's going to go and get himself a girlfriend.

And my rule is..you get a gf (or SO in general)..and I'm gone. And rules are rules are rules.

It was/is painful. Like cutting off your own limb, sans anesthetic.

But...I find it tough to be friends with someone who breaks my heart and we all know..I'm Superb Bitch #1...I don't take a backseat to any other women. School, job, and family. That's it. Nothing/no one else. Its hard and harsh, but its the way I roll.

Normally, this is easy, but this time...not so much. He was my prized boy. I loved him dearly and it hurts to let him go.

But rules are rules are rules.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-10-03T23:13:00

2007-10-04T04:29:17Z

OMFG..where are the fucking MEN in this world?!

Can I get someone who doesn't have Mommy and Daddy pulling the strings to their entire life?

Gah. Fucking disappointments.

Ahoy readers!

2007-09-30T17:12:08Z

This week has just been nuts. I feel like I've done more playing this week than I have in a long time. LOL But that's ok.

But now I am tired. I've got a nice solid harem being built up, and I am quite happy with it right now. Its still not perfect, it never will be, but for the most part...we're all doing well. This pleases me greatly.

Today....was crazy tho. I got woken up by a surprise visitor who brought me breakfast from IHOP, amused me with chit chat, and then a very rough body play/wrestling session followed. Don't ask me how all of this happened....but it did. And was it ever hot.

Surprise visitors that bring me food and/or gifts, and then give me some hot play time afterwards...always welcome. Especially if they aren't needy, whiny little fuckers.

And this one wasn't. Yum.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-09-16T12:08:00

2007-09-16T17:06:51Z

All is right with the world again.

Very, very right.

gone.

2007-09-11T14:27:58Z

I gave Jon his walking papers today. It was about time. He had run his course, I think.

There's always room to improve, but I don't think he will. That's sad.

Hahahahahaha

2007-09-09T19:17:28Z

I never would have guessed. :P

*points to LJ username*

You scored as Sadism, You like to hurt people and find it arousing. It isn't a problem as long as you find someone who likes what you deal.

</td>

Sadism

100%

Domination

100%

Experimental

93%

Switch

43%

Bondage

36%

Degradation

21%

Vanilla Sex

18%

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

18%

Masochism

14%

Submission

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

blackfemsadist @ 2007-09-06T16:00:00

2007-09-06T21:06:38Z

Relationships, be it vanilla or kinky, are strange and confusing things at times.

It is amazing how you can focus your attention on one relationship and want to put all of your energy into helping it grow and not have it work out the way you want...BUT a relationship you didn't really pay any attention to manages to blossom into something beautiful.

Life truly is funny.

Last night was very interesting. My rubberboy J made a journal last night and posted a truly heart warming entry. And my boy Will, he and I really bonded over some things last night.

Sometimes, being me is pretty mundane.

But every now and then..it is absolutely amazing to be me. <3

life...

2007-08-09T19:58:15Z

is pretty good right now.

I have a cute blond boy in rubber shorts, drawing my bath right now. After my bath is drawn and I am soaking, I will be fed awesome Mexican food by said blond boy. And after all of this...I will lay down in my bed (Yes it is 3pm in the afternoon. Screw you) and take a nap, with this little blond boy all dolled up in rubber, laying on the floor next to my bed.

Life, as of this exact moment, is pretty damned grand.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-08-06T01:11:00

2007-08-06T06:18:51Z

As always, with life, things are on an upswing now from having been at a downswing and/or standstill.

I wasn't looking for a boy, but I found ~~one~~ ~~two~~ three. *sigh* Hot mess, I say!

propertyofmsk is still around. His LJ is untouched because he just moved and doesn't have Internet yet. However, I have been seeing him very regularly. Usually he devotes his entire weekend to me, although this past week he did come down after work one night for a very hard, hard beating. Solely for the fun of it. I had to scrub sweat, grime, and some blood off of my wall the next day.

(The blood was because he bit his lip, but I digress...)

The second boy is a cute little youngin'. I will call him Blondie. Blondie has offered to drive me home to MKE to go pick up my new car in a couple of weeks. He also came over this week and did the laundry and helped reorganize my toy closet.

The third boy is one who has been in the background for the past year, but it seems like he wants to move up front now. I call him Pedro, my little Beaner. Offensive, yes, but that's what I'm all about. LOL. He is the youngest of the bunch, and quite timid. I have been patient with him and his issues (some of which he cannot help) so I have not mentioned him much, if at all. He came over and did some cleaning as well and I robbed him of his anal virginity. I think he was very grateful to finally have been taken in that way. He enjoyed himself enough to proclaim, in mid act, that he was MY little Beaner and no one else's. Muah!

I have some others sniffing around right now too. I don't even know where they came from, but good Lord there they are. The most interesting of the bunch is the virgin who wants to give himself over to a Domme, including his virginity (anal and penile) (i.e he wants a woman to rape him. Sign me up!), the others are pretty...meh.

I'm very happy with propertyofmsk though. He is doing a good job of making me quite proud thus far. I like being proud of my boys. Blondie and Pedro...they could really go either way, and I don't think I would mind one bit if they didn't work out for the long haul. They are both pretty young, and therefore I expect them to still be shaky in terms of what they seek. propertyofmsk on the other hand, is a bit more mature and has experience. Which is good, because I've got all sorts of plans for him.

amusement

2007-07-31T15:34:28Z

I think it is so cute the way that I punch him in the stomach and make him fall to his knees, and he gets a pretty serious erection. Then when I step on said erection, it only gets harder...as if to defy me.

All of this pleases me to no end! ;)

blackfemsadist @ 2007-07-17T09:35:00

2007-07-17T14:41:19Z

The new boy (who I will call Jon) found himself in a position over the weekend to meet Mr Singletail.

I'm not sure if he would say it was a pleasant meeting, but I enjoyed.....watching the exchange. Heh.

This past wknd was awfully intense, in terms of travel. 4 cities, in less than 36 hrs. Most impressive. I'm still exhausted, however. Ugh.

This upcoming wknd is the Bash, that I was hoping to go to, but after seeing the schedule of presenters, I feel pretty "Meh" about the whole thing.

Jon seems to have some interesting possibilities, unlike the others I have met. I am eager to test these, yet still hesitant. He is learning quickly however, and that is a very good thing.

Patience is key right now. His growth as a submissive and his understanding of my needs and desires has been exponential in such a short time. It is of the utmost importance to maintain this path, and patience is going to be the key.

Other updates...Will resurfaced and Dipshit's officially gone. Others are submitting applications, but I have stated I'm not really looking, but apparently the old saying is true....once you stop looking, they will come. Right now, I will focus my energy into trying to mold Jon, instead of dividing my time between more than one subject. Perhaps if I can concentrate my energy into just one (especially during the first few months), I can have a more powerful effect on their growth and consistency in their servitude.

Again, patience.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-07-05T09:36:00

2007-07-05T14:35:05Z

I am test driving a new one.

Thus far, nothing is different. Sweet, obedient, relatively pleasing to the eye, seems to enjoy being in my presence etc.

However, time will set him apart from the rest....

...or lump him in with the others. While I always hope for the former, I am always prepared for the latter.

I wish I wasn't so jaded, but sadly, my rose colored glasses broke long ago.

standards

2007-07-01T04:07:41Z

How do you know your standards are too high? And once you realize this, how do you go about "lowering" them?

Sometimes I wonder if I set the bar too high out of reach for those who truly wish to serve me, or if I am honestly just finding lackluster partners?

I've analyzed and re-analyzed and re-re-analyzed the things that I ask of those who wish to be submissive to me, and they really, truly aren't that bad. Yet and still, failure meets me at every turn.

Its hard for me to not look. Its hard for me to just sit around and wait for the perfect playmate to fall into my lap. I enjoy playing too much to be stagnant for long. My 'hiatuses' are always short-lived. I crave BDSM the way some people crave sex. And the more stress I have to endure in my personal life, the pressure I have to submit to in my personal life...the more I wish to inflict that on someone else.

And right now is a time of extremely. high. stress. Like you would not believe. And right now I want nothing more than to come home to a male specimen, who is relatively easy on the eyes, who will do nothing but wait on me hand and foot, and offer his flesh to me to bruise/beat/cut/scar/decorate as I see fit. Then I want nothing more than to tie him up for the night, next to my bed, while I drift off to sleep in heavenly top space.

I can't play with just anyone. I get no pleasure from those who wish to do nothing but eat me out or lick my ass or whatever. That is not BDSM to me. I want your servitude. I need your servitude in the same ways that you need to serve me. You are the yin to my yang, and just as how you are not happy when you are not serving...I am not happy when I am not being served. I want you to suffer for me. To cry for me. To beg, whimper, and plead for me.

To watch a submissive crumple beneath the weight of my sadism bring a smile to my face like you would not believe. I have found one person here in TX who has been able to keep up with me. Alas, he is a switch (primarily Top) and currently has two live in female subs who he has reached an agreement with in regards to him bottoming to others. He has agreed to not bottom for a few months so that they are able to get (and stay) in submissive mode, and not be thrown off by seeing their Sir tied up and beaten.

I will not comment on whether or not I agree with such an agreement, as it is not my place. But it affects me because he was the yin to my yang, even if only occasionally.

I feel like I am starving. However, despite how I feel, I cannot fix it. No amount of fantasy and self pleasure will fix me. I'm like an addict, needing a fix.

And now, the only thing I can do is wait. Patiently. Wait for one who will offer himself up to me, and proves himself to be trustworthy, reliable, HONEST, and can follow orders. Until then, I will continue to starve. And woe is the one who finally does offer himself to me.

He will have quite the cross to bear.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-06-26T11:05:00

2007-06-26T16:18:26Z

Alright.

Sometimes you have to tear shit down completely before you can try and rebuild something good. Every now and then you can get away with tearing down parts..pieces. But sometimes, you have to plow everything.

I have plowed everything. And I want to rebuild.

Some of the pieces I am going to use in the rebuilding process are familiar pieces to me. A couple are new.

But, I want to try and rebuild everything.

**

I am absolutely drowning in classes this summer. I hope this will be the final incredibly hard summer that I have for awhile. Somedays I really wonder how much of a masochist *I* truly am. I have very little time for anything, but that means...if I make time for you, you're pretty damned special.

**

I quit that mentoring program. It was becoming too time consuming and I wasn't getting what I had hoped to get out of it. You know the saying....square peg, round hole....that was definitely the case. I am not mad or upset, but it took a long time for me to finally become comfortable with 'quitting' something. It really wasn't for me.

Frustrated.

2007-03-30T07:08:01Z

So, anyway..I just bought myself some stuff to wear to Exotic Easter. I'm excited, even though I will be paying for my outfit for the next 6 months. LOL!

The axe has swung again. I cut debaucherama loose. He could still experience redemption, but he's gotta ask for it and improve. But since his ass is never even around anymore, chances are he won't know to ask.

Can a girl find a nice looking, sane, intelligent man to play with these days? Seriously.

I'm left with fuckwits, retards, and crazy people like the man who has been obsessively calling me 948795745675487346743859865698756895690857986 times per day even though I have told him I am not interested in him being my personal slave and to stop calling me.

But I think that only solidified the fact that I now have a stalker type. Greeeeat.

Someone remind me why I am involved with BDSM again? I thought I was a sadist, but sometimes..I feel more like an unwilling masochist.

I'm just going to go to bed. I'm too frustrated with all this rot to stay up right now.

The axe has swung..

2007-03-16T02:26:38Z

So, for those of you who are curious or care...

food_minion is no more.

Oh, the drama and stories I could tell but I will refrain.

Again....true, good submissives...they don't exist. Plain and simple.

How to have a successful SM relationship

2007-03-10T08:56:11Z

Ok everyone.

Here's the NUMBER ONE secret to having a successful SM relationship. Not a Master/slave type deal. Just...two people who love to play, and one prefers the dominant role while the other prefers the submissive role.

YOU HAVE TO DO SHIT THAT BOTH PARTIES ENJOY.

I'm tired of motherfuckers telling me they will do what *I* want, and the minute I start doing the stuff *I* like, all bets are off. I'm sorry, but shoving things up men's butts doesn't turn me on 24/7. I'm a sadist. So unless that butt plug is shaped weird or is abnormally large, I probably won't get TOO much of a thrill out if it. (Yes I am aware of the power exchange and the role reversal dynamic, but I am not referring to that.)

I like making people hurt/suffer/squirm/beg/cry. If I can't do that to you, then I probably won't like playing with you. Just like if you don't like being made to hurt/suffer/squirm/beg/cry, you probably won't like playing with me.

However, if you are willing to hurt/suffer/squirm/beg/cry a little bit for me, I will be more than happy to do some of the things you like. It's a trade, you see?

Now, in a relationship where it is Owner/slave, and the slave/bottom has no say, then all previous comments/thought are out the window, as that is a horse of another color.

Also, please know that complaining...gets you nowhere with me. It gets me looking for other people to play with though. Complaining makes me want to stop playing with you altogether. If there's anything this fucking mentoring thing up in A-town has taught me, its taught me to recognize life draining submissives better. Life draining submissives come with several hallmarks, complaining being one of them. You can give me constructive criticism, but complaints...that's a no-no.

blackfemsadist @ 2007-03-02T03:55:00

2007-03-02T10:00:27Z

I just got in from a lovely night out. I stopped into my 'regular spot' (Not really regular or my spot, but its the only club I ever go out to here in town) and saw some folks I hadn't seen in awhile. Got to drool over some lovely female eyecandy and by the end of the night, one piece of said eyecandy was getting a very sound spanking and hairpulling from me.

The night ended with me getting her number and being invited over to her house tomorrow for a party (of vanilla sorts) but I was told to bring some toys, as she and I would have our fun privately.

I <333 playing with girls.

Gonna go out of town this weekend for the mentoring thing. This program is really draining to me. I don't know for certain if I have gotten anything out of it just yet, but I am hanging in there. But..its IS draining. However, it guarantees I get out of town one weekend a month, so its not THAT bad I guess.

I thought I would get in touch with debaucherama and see if he wanted to hook up for some....debauchery this weekend. But he's being rather flakey right now. Ugh. Anything to annoy the PISS out of me, I swear. So I will make other plans. I have two things that were in the woodwork if he didn't come through (Which remains to be seen, but I'm getting the idea he won't). One is a play party, the other is a girls night out with some gals I kinda sorta know up in A-town. Could be fun.

I am most definitely looking forward to seeing the cute girl from tonight again. She has the best boobs ever. So soft and suckable...and biteable...and pinchable. Heh. ;)

Updates, updates

2007-02-23T08:27:41Z

So, apparently debaucherama is back in full swing.

We'll see about that, shall we? Perhaps we need to find him someone to play with this weekend. That is if I don't get up the gumption to go and visit him myself this weekend.

Ha!

N is being all weird. We played/got physical and now he's being a typical boy and being all avoidant. The thing is..he's done this before and we didn't talk for a few months, because of his lack of reciprocating communication. So, I probably won't talk to him for another few months or so.

Why are all the beautiful ones nuts? Oh, wait..didn't Prince write a song about that? *snicker*

Seriously though...when you're being avoidant, you're missing out on continuous opportunities for fun. You'd rather wait a few months, HOPE I am still interested and take your chances...rather than keep talking with me, and get lots and lots of fun play time? I. don't. understand. you. at. all.

food_minion is still around. And that's about it..just....around.

Grace: Easy to Fall From, Hard to Get Back There

Milwaukee is a distant memory. Numbers have been erased, IM lists have been purged. All gone. I'll go back sometime in the not too distant future to retrieve my belongings and furniture (Yes, even BONDAGE furniture) and that's it. All ties have been severed, none of them cleanly...but that wasn't because I wanted it that way. *shrug*

I did find a cute little Latina submissive here in town. She and I have been talking, but my schedule is not making it easy for her and I to get together. The black female submissive...well she turned out to be a waste of flesh. But, such is life.

I've been so busy lately with other things that I have not managed to make it out to any play parties lately. Primarily because of my....unhappiness with food_minion as of late and all other potential playmates fear of going to play parties...I've been a ghost. I've gotten a bevvy of phone calls wanting to know where I have been/why have I not been out/is everything ok etc. I gotta get back in the game. But with school kicking my ass right now..it may be a minute.

But know...I am still here. Lurking in the background...but here.

...

2007-02-08T14:55:16Z

N is a tease, and I am trying to fight to urge to dump debaucherama.

Granted, I am on my period and extremely easily irritated, so my thoughts may be a bit premature, and for that I ask for your forgiveness, gentle reader. And debaucherama is going through things, so this is a prime time for me to exercise my patience a little, but FUCK...this is hard. I am ready to progress, and I can't. And I get antsy. Very.

This past weekend was spent in A-town. Mainly for my mentoring program, and there just so happened to be a a play party during my stay, so I went. Not much went down, but I had sent debaucherama notice that I was in town..and I got no response. That's not nice. But..whatever. I'm getting tired. I did meet up with someone who I had met online, and we hung out at the party together. He seemed pretty nice, but I have yet to hear back from him (But for what its worth, I have not contacted him yet either.)

I want to head back to A-town this weekend, for there is a demo on predicament bondage I would LOVE to see. But alas, I don't know if I can fit it into my schedule and now my car has decided to act sketchy, so it really in doubt. I will definitely be back in A-town for my mentoring weekend. I am having a love/hate relationship with that program, but its already taught me some things and made me question some of the things that I do, as far as BDSM goes. Love/hate is sometimes what I need. Occasionally the most beneficial things for me, are things I have a love/hate relationship with.

Anyway...I need to get moving. I have a date with the gym and then yours truly is off to class. Blargh.

Strange dayz.

2007-01-26T03:32:29Z

Weird days as of late in Miss K's world.

-Got an apology letter from Dipshit in Milwaukee.
-Got a (pleasureable) email from N, after I emailed an ad b/c it sounded like him
-Have been exchanging emails with a real, LIVE, Black female submissive (in South Texas no less) (!!!)
-Worried about debaucherama. He's been ill and had some stuff going on, and I hope he is doing better.

OMG.....debaucherama and N= HOTTEST BOY SEX EVAR!! I gotta make that happen. Even if it only for my own carnal pleasure. Heh.

Now...how to go about reeling N back in so that I can use him for some (not so) forced bi? Hmmmmmm....

Oh..and my buddy T is having a play party at his house tomorrow, and yours truly has been invited. Methinks I wanna go, but I almost don't wanna take food_minion. He's made me pretty pissed off right now.

all good things must come to an end...

2007-01-12T22:36:00Z

My 'more than likely' final trip to Milwaukee is ending. I take to the sky at 6am on Sunday morning.

This trip has been incredibly...interesting for lack of a better word. I had not planned on this being my last trip when I got here, but as time passed, I knew that it would be. Now, with the announcement that my family is moving to Houston, there will be no further reason for me to return to Milwaukee, unless it is to help my family pack and prepare for the move.

My stay here has been full of disappointment, many of which I have not posted about here, but I will post about this one: the incredibly huge letdown that both of my Milwaukee boys have been.

There has been extensive lack of communication (My number one rule to subs...ALWAYS stay in contact with me. It need not be constant, but I should not go two and three weeks (or more!) without hearing from you, unless someone has died or you've been locked up), promises that have not been kept, and just an all around air of a lackadaisical attitude.

With this being my last trip here, it became imperative that I saw my boys and said goodbye to them. They were both relatively good and deserving of a nice goodbye. Not just an IM that said 'See ya later, suckers.' They have both been in 'service' to me for almost a year, and I was their first Mistress. I suppose they still do not have the gist of etiquette down pat, and they are still rough around the edges, but that makes me feel sub par as a Mistress. After a year, the basics still have not sunk in? Either I am not good at teaching, or they are not good at learning. Which is it?

This bothers me so much because I truly come to love those that serve me. Not 'love' as in 'Let's go get married' kind of love, but love as in a faithful pet or companion. I am truly appreciative of the things that subs do and undergo for me, be it for my gain, for the sake of punishment, or simply for my entertainment.

It saddens me greatly to see that said servants do not return these feelings, but what can I do? All I can do is work harder to create a more loyal following next time.

Good submissives come when called, serve without expectation of pleasure or personal gain, and in return they are given attention, time, and praise. These two boys, were once upon a time, prime examples of that, but at some point..something changed. I am not sure what it was, or if it even was pertinent to me, but it made for some major disappointment.

So, while it pains me to leave Wisconsin on such an incredibly sour note, all I can do is be hopeful of the future in Texas. I have one boy who cares for me above anything else in this world and another prospective boy who will whore himself out for my pleasure and gain. I am involved with the scene, involved with a BDSM mentoring program to help my personal growth as a Dominant (despite almost 9 years experience, I still have a lot of growing to do!), and some kinky friends. As a Mistress, I suppose I cannot ask for too much more.

Aunt Flo has entered the building...

2007-01-11T00:44:56Z

I am miserable! Absolutely butt-fucking miserable!

If you couldn't tell, I'm on my period. And it is a doozy.

food_minion is enduring his week long, once a month 'period sympathy' training. I wanted to introduce debaucherama to said training but he is too broke to go buy the appropriate items.

So, only because he is currently a broke bastard does he get to escape. I need to think of some way to have him make this up to me at some point.

Or I will just let it wait until next month, and make his training worse. Heh.

We'll see how I feel.

In the meantime, I want a cheese and ground beef pizza covered with Baked Lay's. And a strawberry shake. Argh!